I am feeling a little bit brighter today as the Boy and I, surprisingly given how the day had been, had a lovely night together last night. We haven't been out much just us two for a while, and it's been quite a long time since we went out on impulse for drinks as I had a 'dry' January and then fell pregnant in February. But after what had a been a fairly arduous day we decided to take a stroll out and have a few drinks and a meal together.
We headed to Skinkers on Tooley Street, a wine bar near where we live which is popular with commuters but sometimes, like last night, you can be lucky and find a quiet litte table tucked away from the madness and banter. We shared a beautiful bottle of viognier and while we talked about the miscarriage and the conversations with the hospital mortuary, we also talked about other things.
We looked ahead to our imminent holiday in the beautiful Greek island of Santorini - booked quickly when we realised I was pregnant as a last break for 'just us two'. Sadly our circumstances have changed, but the break has come at just the right time and I suspect it will do us the world of good. The last time we were in Greece was when we were in Zakynthos in 2008, when we got engaged (see below) overlooking the famous shipwreck bay, so the Greek islands hold special memories for us. We talked and laughed together reminiscing about the day we got engaged, competing to tell the best story from the day - whether it was me dreaming the night before he would propose, or the Boy having to take five immodium he was so nervous, or the fact he was wearing an A team t-shirt and I was in my bikini! We had a beautiful happy time we had on the island together, and those memories gave us comfort.
Funnily enough, looking backwards helps give us the strength to look forwards. It was a timely reminder of how many happy times we had enjoyed together, and how happy times will come again aplenty soon enough. Every day we move closer towards them. We can look forward to this break as a chance to be just us. To relax and to forgive, and to get back to the basics of ourselves - to enjoy each other and to build our confidence and strength, to move towards a position we can think about trying to be family Beans once again.
We had a meal together at the Shard curry house which was really nice. The Boy is somewhat obsessed with the Shard building (to say the least) so eating there put a smile on our weary faces. If felt good to be doing something simple. To have a happy few hours together when we weren't weighed down by the sadness of what we have a lost. A time to be a 'normal' couple, doing 'normal' things. Not worrying, not crying, not being scared. Just being.