I've been feeling a bit sad the past few days and out of sorts - I'm sure it's because my hormones are all over the place, and because I'm quite tired and stressed from working hard for the big work event on Saturday. But I think a lot of it is to do with my self view and gaining weight.
I've had issues about my weight in the past and have yo-yo dieted, varying in weight from nine and a half to over 12 stone in the last five years. I feel as if I've completely ballooned in the last week or so. Every time I look in the mirror my cheeks seem chubbier, my behind seems a bit more 'womanly' - and my chest seems to be exploding out of my (already H cup!) bras!
Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond thrilled to be pregnant and I love that my body is changing to let me carry a little baby - and I'm desperate for this baby to stay with us full-term - but it's as if it's hit me for the first time that my body isn't quite my own anymore. And this is just the very beginning, if all goes to plan I am going to get quite a bit larger!
The pregnancy book - which has become even more of a good friend to me in the last few days - tells me it's absolutely normal to feel like this at this stage, in fact so far I seem to be following the 'plan' to a T and I am the perfect case study. I hope I will feel better as it becomes more obvious I am pregnant - at the moment I just feel like a fatter version of me all over and I can't help but wonder if people are noticing I've put on a few pounds. I guess that's the old weight gremlins popping up to say hello, they always seem to find the choicest moments.
As usual the Boy is being incredibly supportive telling me how much he loves me, how gorgeous and sexy he thinks I am, and how happy he is that my body is changing for us to have a baby. Last night he said he was the happiest he'd ever been with us both in good jobs, in our lovely flat, married and with happy and healthy friends and family, and our own baby on the way. And as usual he's right. We have such a lot to be thankful for and if I even started counting my blessings I'd be here all day. Sometimes I wish I could see myself and life through his eyes...